So I know it’s been a very VERY long time since I’ve written anything at all, so I know I do have a lot of catching up to do.
Now, where we last left off, I had just been published online and had started a new life- that’s pretty much been the same.
I am in a new steady relationship and have a new baby on the way, a little girl to go with my three year old son 🙂 In that sense, my life has moved somewhat fast in that regard and has therefore made things pretty hectic, but I must say that I love it.
But now onto the topic of today- morality vs money- so to speak.
I have been employed for almost the last year working part time, making a decent 12 dollars an hour working approximately 30 hours a week. And then in an effort to make more, I picked up another job making 9 dollars an hour also working 30 hours a week- I eventually left that job because my pregnancy did not make having two jobs easy.
Now to do some fun math, this meant that I worked 60 hours a week for about 2 grand a month. If we go down memory lane, I remember working half that and making twice as much- and that was just while working at my club, not including the House.
This has taken a toll on me and my personal life. I do not get to see my son as often and my boyfriend sees me mostly because he and I work together and he gives me rides (oh yeah- a year and a half of ‘honest work’ and still no car).
Now when I was working at the club, I worked from 10-6am about 5 days a week, my days off were Monday and Tuesday because those were slow for me. But then again because I controlled my schedule, I would change them based on the happenings going on in my life. The Ranch was a little bit different because those were 2-3 week chunks out of my life, but I had 2-3 weeks that were all mine with no work, and this still sufficiently paid all my bills with no stress.
It’s hard for me even 18 months later to swallow this pill, I don’t want to say that I’m bitter, but it’s pretty close. I have to say that it is out of love that I don’t go back, which makes this bearable, but it’s still hard.
At the end, it all comes down to this- am I really considered a morally better person because I work a regular job (or two jobs) where I don’t take off my clothes or lie on my back?
Honestly, I’m not sure how fair it really is, since I’m the same person I was back then, no matter what name I was using.
Then I get berated by my family because I don’t have a degree or a career with good pay. However, in my three years at the club I made as much as someone with a degree and half of that in the five months collectively that I worked at the Ranch. (But please don’t be jealous- I have nothing to show for it).
But at the end, my money- no matter how I made it, spent just the same. I just happened to have made it differently from most people and had a little bit more of it.